Tentacle Monsters Can't Rape The Willing
by sleepy-firebug
Summary: Stopping by to visit his brother, his brother's crew, and his favorite blonde, Ace bumps into a rather peculiar little creature.  A creature that's green and tentacled... and rather 'attached' to Sanji.


This is one of my older works, recently finished for the most incredible, amazing Luco_Millian over at Livejournal. She's the one who gave the world Squiggles, the little yaoi tentacle monster. (Pssst. She also does the most awesome artwork for One Piece, Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Inception, and other fantasy-type-stuff, so you should go check her out [/ shameless plug])

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Having been surfing the Grand Line almost as long as he'd been pirating, Portgas D. Ace had come to realize two absolutes: one, crazy and unexplainable shit is everywhere, and two, good cooks aren't. So he took all of the weirdness in stride, and took advantage of good food whenever he got the chance; you never knew when that monster might turn out to be an ally, or when your next meal might be.

When the familiar straw hat-clad jolly roger appeared through the scope of Ace's spyglass, his stomach practically growled in joy. Good cooks may be hard to come by, but his brother had one of the best on board that tiny ship. Collapsing the well-worn brass tube and tucking it back into one of many pockets, the brunette shifted his course towards the Going Merry.

"Big brother!" Luffy cheered, tossing playing cards into the air before launching himself at his brother.

The older brunette laughed as the cards fell around them like confetti, ruffling ever-messy locks and calling out hellos to the others. "Nami, Robin, guys, how's it going? I see you're still keeping this rubber brat outta trouble."

"I'm not a braaaaaat~!"

"Heh, it's not easy." The smoke-roughened baritone of the ship's cook broke through the fray. Pink apron tied around his lanky frame and mixing bowl in hand, Sanji waved a spatula at Ace in greeting. "Firefist. That kid should come with a warning label."

"Hey! I'm not a kid, either!"

Sanji waved off his captain's protests. "Dinner's gonna be ready in about half an hour, so if you can keep the rubber freak occupied for me, you're welcome to join us."

"Ah, don't worry, Sanji," Usopp grinned, Chopper waving to Ace from his seat on the young man's shoulders. "We've been playing cards, and I'm kicking Luffy's ass, so we've got a few more games to play at least."

"Yeah, Ace, you should come watch!" Sticking a cheeky tongue out in Usopp's direction, the young captain clung to his brother's arm like a barnacle. "There's somebody you've gotta meet, anyway!"

Head cocked to the side, the fire user blinked in puzzlement. When that didn't help clear things up, he tilted it to the other side and blinked some more.

It seemed as though Luffy had found another addition to the crew. Well, that's what he assumed it to be, since Luffy wasn't chewing on it, and nobody seemed all that worried about the fact that it had been watching the younger boys play a rather rousing game of Go Fish while clinging to Robin's shoulder.

Remember that 'crazy and unexplainable' heading? This fell squarely under it.

The... thing looked vaguely like a many-armed green octopus sans the suckers, though if the brunette were perfectly honest, it looked more like a creature from that rather interesting magazine (the decidedly dog-eared one, though he wouldn't admit **that** to anyone) that he owned. Some part of the fire user's brain stalled a bit at that, stuck between the unlikely choices of food-supply-turned-friend and porn star, but... it was his brother after all. There had to be a good reason.

Gesturing towards the creature with one of his cards, Usopp chuckled. "That's Squiggles. He's a pretty friendly little guy. He doesn't do a whole lot, but Luffy loves playing with him, so he kinda just sticks around."

After Ace's initial puzzlement at the odd little critter, it didn't take long for the brunette to warm up to the funny bundle of tentacles. He (though how anybody figured that Squiggles was _male_ was beyond his guess) seemed perfectly content to latch on to a crew member and watch their goings-on as they traversed the ship, sneaking out a tentacle to move on to another warm body whenever the mood struck him. For some reason, though, he seemed overly attached to Sanji (no pun intended), and when he wrapped himself around whatever body part was available, Squiggles let out a happy sort of sound that was amusingly accompanied by giggles from the rest of his nakama and a rather brilliant blush on Sanji's part.

This confused Ace quite a bit, but he figured that somebody would let him in on the joke eventually.

So later that evening Ace happily dug into the meal prepared by Luffy's cook, vying with his brother to be the one who finished the most portions before Sanji drove them both out of his kitchen; unfortunately he relinquished the victory to Luffy after falling asleep three times in his mashed potatoes. Eventually the long-suffering blonde tired of their antics and quite literally kicked them out, sending the two brothers flying across the deck to slam with a noisy crash against the mast.

"Mm, good win, little brother," Ace mumbled after they'd slid down to land in an ungainly tangle at the base. He patted his stomach fondly. "I've said it before and I'll say it again: you have one of the best cooks in the world on your crew."

"Nope." Luffy picked idly at his ear, absently flicking a piece of earwax across the deck before twisting his neck in his freakishly rubber way to grin up at Ace. "_The_ best. Nobody cooks better than Sanji."

Laughing softly, the older boy pushed the ever-present straw hat down over Luffy's eyes. "Well, I've never tasted better, so you're probably right." Shifting their jumbled limbs to a position just a bit more comfortable (since the post-meal stupor that had set in left him unwilling to move too much just yet), Ace waved at the others who were finally making their way from the galley. "...Speaking of Sanji. What's the story behind his little green buddy? Where'd he come from?"

Luffy shrugged. "He just showed up one day on the ship. I think Nami found him first, or something. But Squiggles is nice, and he's kind of soft and squishy and fun to play with, so we just let him stay."

"Does he always hang on to Sanji like that?"

Still sprawled across his brother's chest, the younger boy tapped the soles of his sandals together and giggled. "Maaaaybe. Why, are you jealous?"

"You're ridiculous, Luffy; you know I'm not the jealous type."

"Mm-hmm." Wriggling around to pillow himself atop rubbery arms, Luffy grinned furtively, an expression not often seen on his child-like face. "He clings to Sanji more than he does to anybody else. And he likes him. Reeeeally likes him." He giggled again. "We're not supposed to talk about it, but you'll see. Squiggles likes to play with Sanji."

_Not supposed to talk about it...?_

Luffy, meanwhile, had gone off on another one of his many tangents. "...Hey. Ace likes to play with Sanji. Zoro likes to play with Sanji. Squiggles likes to play with Sanji. Why won't you guys play with _me_? Aaaaaaace~..." Pokepokeprodpoke. "Play with _me_!"

Rolling them both over and putting Luffy into a headlock that earned the older boy a yelp of surprise, Ace wondered briefly if Luffy's words meant what he thought they meant, though that train of thought was quickly lost when freakishly flexible legs wrapped around his middle.

He'd think about it later.

'Later' in this case happened to be farther into the evening, when Sanji lay sandwiched between Ace's body and the wall, and a warm, damp appendage gingerly tapped his calf from behind.

Not long after he and Luffy's good-natured tussle on the lower deck, Usopp appeared with a box of paints and a heaping stack of paper to effectively grab the attention of his easily-distracted brother and leave Ace free to wander off in search of his own amusement. Now that the meal part of his needs had been taken care of, the brunette became increasingly aware of his desire for companionship, and that of his brother's blonde-haired, fiery-tempered cook in particular. Slipping cautiously back into the galley, Ace was relieved to see that Sanji wasn't in as big a hurry to kick him out as before, and it didn't take long before the brunette sat comfortably at the table, watching as Sanji washed whatever dishes he didn't trust the others to clean without breaking. The subtle shifting of those slim hips memorized the fire user, the pull of tight material over the equally tight muscles of Sanji's rear and thighs brought an appreciative smile to Ace's face. So caught up in staring, the brunette started when Sanji turned and caught his gaze, blue eye boring into brown with an unmistakable gleam.

They didn't need words to know what was on one another's minds, and neither protested when Ace rose to tug the blonde away from the sink and press him against the paneling. Hands still damp with dishwater caught in Ace's belt, pulling him flush against the other man even as his lips found Sanji's, lips that sucked and nibbled at his own in that wonderfully promising way-

"What the hell?"

-at least until that sudden realization that they had company. Of the green, tentacled, and curious variety.

Ace groaned and buried his face against the blonde's shoulder for a moment before turning to peer at the small blob still prodding at his leg from the floor. "Squiggles... I'm sorry, little buddy, but I'm... we're a bit busy here. Can't you go find some of the other guys to play with?"

Squiggles merely blinked owlishly at them both for a moment before chirping softly and climbing his way up the two men to wrap his tentacles around them. He looked pleased with himself, or at least as pleased as such a creature could look. Ace wasn't sure.

"Hey, shitty seaweed thing." Sanji grumbled and poked at the tendrils stroking happily along the curve of his cheek. "You weren't invited this time. Hell, you're never really invited- Hey!" A rather unmanly squeak issued from the blonde as Squiggles happily ignored him and wriggled an appendage down the back of Sanji's pants.

"'Never really invited'? You're not telling me that you... With him...?" Batting ineffectively at another of Squiggles' many tentacles that was trying to sneak its way up the leg of his shorts, Ace boggled back and forth between them.

"A-_ah_! Squiggles, stop it!" Bucking against Ace in an attempt to escape the molestations of the deceptively innocent creature, the blonde tried his best to scowl. "He's a tentacle monster who doesn't like... _ahn_! Doesn't like women. What do you think happened?" Sanji's increasingly frantic squirms only resulted in leaving him more securely wrapped in the little beast's soft green appendages. "Squiggles... Off!"

By this time the perverted side of Ace's brain was going into overdrive at the thought of his on-again off-again lover being ravished by his unique crew mate, helped along by the delicious way Sanji wriggled against him. A rather devious idea began to form in the brunette's mind. Grabbing up one of the tentacles busily exploring the older pirate's hair, Ace brought it to his mouth and ran his tongue curiously along it. He tasted a touch of salt and a slight sweetness that was far from unpleasant. Sensing a sudden cession in the previously vigorous movements of their unexpected guest, Ace looked back to find Squiggles watching him, limpid eyes almost impossibly wide. "Hey, little guy, I'll make you a deal. Show me what you do that this guy really likes," motioning at Sanji, "and you can join us." The brunette ran his tongue over Squiggles again and winked.

"Ace! What the hell? _Mmph_!" Any further words were cut off by the thrust of a tentacle into his gaping mouth, leaving Sanji writhing and moaning as the one down his pants resumed whatever-it-was-doing. Ace watched in rapt fascination as what he'd thought to be an impossible fantasy played out right there in front of him, and when he felt the gentle, questioning slide of damp flesh over his own and plucking at the edges of his shorts, Ace gave Squiggles a slight nod.

"If we're gonna do this, we might as well do this right, yeah?"

Squiggles couldn't agree more.

Several hours later, with both men sprawled semi-conscious and spent across the kitchen floor amidst a tangled mass of green, Squiggles chirped softly to himself and happily petted his worn-out friends. That was fun. Now all he needed to do was convince the one with the green hair to play with them, too...

The little tentacle monster smiled.


End file.
